Li Moxiang “Umbrella Hook”

Details

Stoic shot-stopper with cheekbones sharp enough to cut red tape. Li once completed a Supercop-style bus chase drill by hooking an umbrella to the crossbar mid-save. Wears a rotating catalog of fake walrus mustaches and swaps them at halftime like tactical subs. Carries a whistle disguised as an evidence bag and practices fingertip kung-fu parries he calls the “Monsoon Catch.” Owns at least five disguises: monastery monk, karaoke host, delivery rider, mall security, and beleaguered dad with a stroller.

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